Can you dig Luke Cage? Most comic characters had it bad in the seventies, but he had it the worst. Trust me, you don't want to ask him how he feels about his jive dialogue being written by geeky white comic book authors. Of all the analysts, he's the expert on Hostess ad fashion. I was like 4 in the seventies; I can appreciate their outfits, but I can't understand them. Luke Cage was a part of them. The way he holds pants up with a chain, his tincan headband, the unbuttoned butterfly collar shirt -- he's a shining fashion star. Dr. Doom isn't really a doctor. In fact, I don't even think he has a degree since he got kicked out of college for blowing himself and his dorm room up. Now he rules a country called Latveria where his turn ons are oppressing the peasants and vaporizing their livestock. His hobbies include speaking in the third person, building robot versions of himself, and announcing how great he is. For example, if he or one of his robo-clones were to use the bathroom, he(it) would walk out and say, "The inevitable ruler of the world has finished his domination of the toilet." The only way to tell if it was him or the robot is to take a sample of his unstoppable stool. But while you're collecting it, look out. Doom rarely leaves a restroom without planting deadly traps.

"No one laughs at Mr. Fish!" A ninja friend of mine once explained why he sawed off both of his hands and replaced them with hammers. He said to me, "Is it mightier to simply wield a weapon, or to be a weapon, my friend." And that's how it is with Mr. Fish. It's already pretty dangerous when someone's swinging a fish, but Mr. Fish's entire body is fish. He became a fish after falling into a lake with some radioactive goo in an origin taken straight from the comic book writer's instruction booklet. He only appeared in one issue of Luke Cage, and according to a disclaimer in the front, it was all thrown together at the last minute to meet a deadline. That's probably why there wasn't much thought put into his fish theme. He would have at least had a chance at respect if he was consistant -- like a gun that shoots cans of tuna, that would hurt. Even giant mechanical crab claws would have been close enough. Just a laser gun and some shit he stole from the Goodwill deposit box? You're a mess, Mr. Fish. I hope super villains do interventions, because it's really time his colleagues got together with the staff at Kinkos and created a presentation to get his criminal career back on track. To remind this fish why he started cutting the thumbs off of children and humping tuna salad. Nobody laughs at Mr. Fish? Does he know his name is Mr. Fish? Does he know his power is tasting delicious with tartar sauce? It all seems pretty funny to me. Here are some highlights from "Luke Cage, Power Man" #29, Mr. Fish's finest and only appearance: Mr. Fish's Cover Appearance! Mr. Fish's Compelling Origin! Mr. Fish vs. Luke Cage In Action! Mr. Fish DIES!!!