Lawsuit Two: Assault on Diabetic Driver 13 Reason for Lawsuit: Too much diabetic complaining. Seeking: For some dude they pounded to shut the fuck up about it. And then lots of money. Above: A medical diagram of what it's like when you get kicked in the kidney. Since in this instance we're talking about the internal workings of a person with diabetes, I drew a face on the spleen or whatever. A face that, now that I think about it, should probably be screaming. Sorry! In 1998, two cops chased a speeding truck for nine miles before finally stopping it. The driver was slipping into a diabetic coma and couldn't respond to their commands, so like they were trained to do at the Police Academy of Evil, they broke out his window, pepper-sprayed him, beat the crap out of him with sticks, and threw their police dog into the truck. And when a diabetic guy in a coma is in a fight against two armed men and an attack dog, you should bet on the team that isn't unconscious with a medical condition. The driver got out of the hospital four days later and soon after filed a mutli-million dollar lawsuit against the cops. It was dismissed. I can only assume it's because the judge's entire family was killed by an unconscious diabetic man and this was his last chance at revenge. Now this part may sound outrageous, but after the driver was pounded into a pile of mess, denied any compensation, and then forced to watch the cops and their dog get away free, he started complaining. He'd butt into people's conversations saying, "Oh, you had a bad day because your office copy machine was out of toner? Well, last week I had a seizure, fell asleep in my truck, and half of me woke up in a police dog's mouth." The cops aren't going to take his bitching anymore. They filed a $68,000 lawsuit to get him to shut up, claiming he complained so much it was starting to hurt their careers. When the easily-tricked attack: Another lawsuit filed just to make us laugh. There aren't very many ways a complaining man can hurt a cop's career. You can't tear up a speeding ticket because some diabetic thinks that the guy who gave it to you is a jerk. Everyone in the world can be bitching at him and his stick will still break your head open. And no matter how much someone complains, no cop is going to radio dispatch with, "Ah, dispatch, this is car Charlie Choo Choo 20. I'm approaching cop sector 10, investigating an ice cream truck heist-- hold on. *sigh* That guy I beat up is on the other line calling to complain again. I gotta take this. I'll call you back, Charlie Choo Choo 20 out." I do agree that all the complaining is probably going to keep them from getting promoted to a position where they're in charge of guarding diabetic children from dog attacks. But for fucks sake, if a man with a medical condition gets annihilated by two guys and a dog and isn't allowed to complain, who the hell is? Hunchbacked war refugees would send this guy flowers. Case Predictions: In defense of the policemen, no one runs from the cops for nine miles on accident, medical problems or not. If you do something like that, you should probably expect an ass kicking when you stop. So cops-- go ahead and tenderize him and feed him to a canine unit. And ignore his complaints. No one's going to judge you for such a tiny incident. Lots of nice people beat up on comatose diabetics; it's not like he had polio or something. But keep the courts out of it. You can't give someone a $68,000 ticket just because you're both crybabies. On to Part Three ->

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