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Potato Spearing: Each child has been given a fork and a large uncooked potato. The children should stand at least 12 inches apart to avoid jabbing one another. At a signal, they throw their potatoes in the air and try to spear them with their forks as the potatoes come down. Whenever a potato is successfully speared, the team gets one point. After five attempts per player, the higher-scoring team wins the stunt; a perfect score is 20 points. In the event of a tie, each team selects one member to play rock-scissors-paper. Please note that James has decided the perfect host for this recipe for madcap fork wounds would be the sexy blond dwarf from Far Out Space Nuts is the host of this stunt game show for children (Summer Sanders is doing a youth game show, so why not a stacked 60-pounder?). I no longer fear for the future, as I know our children will be able to watch the coolest god damn shows ever after James is in charge. |
 An illustration of possible contestants for James' Eleven Up (It's the game of famous names!) along with probably the least necessary disclaimer since "Caution: Contents may be hot!" or "Do not place cock in disposal." Erik, GED of the behumped Old Man Murray fame, was the prophet that showed me the magic of Vipond in mails like this:
Save Russian Jews, Earn Fabulous Prizes |
 If you don’t believe that God has ever given special abilities to ordinary humans, then read no further. Gorgeous Greg Nichols, always carries at least one spermicidal condom and before long he had become a male prostitute, able to control the minds of beautiful college women. |
Proving to be more of a Renaissance man than security guard/actor Gary Coleman, James has two journalism degrees from South Dakota's largest university, a collection of game shows on tapes, and his own Christian super heroes unashamed of their own nudity. Go to The Spectrum Force Home Page to learn more about these clothing-optional crusaders. I start crying every time I try to describe them. Warning: intense autism has caused this page to have the most non-intuitive navigation in the history of telecommunications. After a few clicks you'll probably be hopelessly lost on some Dutch butter churning page and have no idea how you got there. Bring a piece of graph paper and carefully make a map. The secret is in tip of nose, and Digdogger dislikes certain kind of sound. (right) The power of God can't reach everyone, and James knows this. That's why he's carefully planning out a half hour animated black sitcom with bad color crayon drawings of naked children. (below) Don’t miss this: When the temperature rises, Minerva takes a clothing-optional approach to work--much to Mr. Strickland’s dismay! (Notice: Scanned drawing contains non-sexual female nudity above the waist.) |
 Two things I wish I had learned earlier in my life: "Add clothes as needed" and "Keep nudity tasteful." He's a genius. |
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Whether this is truly a scheme to spread God's word or if it's just a way to promote James' dream of seeing lots and lots of breasts we may never know. But here's some sample dialogue:
Look out, Eddie Murphy! Here comes... Minerva Walker!
M: Yes, we have flood insurance.
K: That wasn't it. Brace yourself for a shock: It may soon be time to
legalize public nudity.
M: (shocked) WHAT?!!
K: Hear me out. I'm not thinking of anything sexual, but spring floods
are sure to be followed by summer heat. And we men have gone shirtless
on beaches for only the last, what, 60 years?
M: Your point being...?
K: Different cultures have different standards for clothing, and female
breasts are NOT considered private parts. If you women were allowed to
go top-free in summer, you'd have a better body image and less chance
of breast cancer. Women in New York and Ohio have been allowed to go
top-free in public for about a year now, and no one has had a problem.
Why shouldn't it be that way in other states?
M: You do have a point. Even South Dakota, where we live, has had hot
summers. Go on... |
 The hip new(might some day be a) show, Minerva Walker uses wacky comedy, lumpy pink nipples, and a man manipulating himself in a doorway to create a high comedy world everyone can love, yet manages to avoid the cliches normally surrounding animated black comedies with a nude Christian flair. |
Mexico can do more than make bad variety shows and get thousands of white kids drunk on spring break. The country has bred the finest comedic mind we'll ever know. Miguel Roya uses his rudimentary understanding of the English language and love for overweight people in hats to create the definitive fat chicks in party hats website. He takes no prisoners with his deadly wit, and has even been known to publicly ridicule non-fat people with no hats at all. I don't know if it's just to maintain his mystery or if he just ran out of pictures of fat chicks in party hats, but either way, I want to marry him. "It's nice to see someone who makes a page just to be funny, and not as some scheme to impress girls," said Seanbaby, who wishes he was a princess. As just a small taste of Senor Roya's complete mastery of humor, the magical caption for the photo on the far right was She needs a bigger hat. heh. |
 Since Miguel does not have a picture of himself on his incredible website, I have included this artist's conception of what he might look like... |
 ...and this digital amalgamation showing what our children should look like. |
 Holy shit. This is in bad taste even for hate groups. You can't fucking kill a kid and then put self serving words in his mouth the next day on your homepage. Jesus, what happened to honor among gay bashers? |
UPDATE: The American Guardian has retooled itself with a new focus a and a more gay-unfriendly name. They are now known as FagWatch, and are your one stop source for fag traps, bait, and poison. They also specialize in gay-specific defense devices like gay sniffing-trained dogs and the HOMOguard - an impact resistant butt plug. American Guardian, America's frontline defense against perversion, and winner of 1998's "Best of the Christian Web Award," is your number one resource for hate, just beating out godhatesfags.com. You'll learn lessons they might not have covered in Kindergarten like "all homosexuals are pedophiles." And if you add helpful information like that with a collection of perversion battling web resources, it's as if they opened a pipeline directly to Christ.
Parks of Perversion - "U.S. Department of Health and Human Services survey of where homosexual encounters took place listed city parks (80 percent), restrooms (62 percent), roadside parks (71 percent), and gay bars (33 percent)." Fun fact: When i clicked on my state for details on its perverted use of parks, I found that in Oregon, there are 20 homosexually active parks and rest areas. There are also 12 homosexually active public restrooms and 22 homosexual attacks per 1,000 park visitors. And NO sodomy laws! |
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In a marketing decision that made drinking Zima seem butch, Bud Light did an ad with two guys holding hands. This was very responsibly reported on in the American Guardian: On Thursday, April 22, Anheuser-Busch placed an advertisement in a local St. Louis homosexual publication, EXP Magazine. The Bud Light (an Anheuser brand) ad depicts two men holding hands with the taglines, "Be Yourself and Make It a Bud Light" and "Proud Sponsor of the St. Louis Pridefest '99." Please contact Bud and let them know that their ad represents perversion and child abuse. Holding hands = child abuse. When you believe there's an invisible old man living in the clouds that cares about where you put your dick, this kind of statement actually seems pretty logical. But besides lessons in creative thinking, the American Guardian also keeps a running list of Celebrity Trash who Support Homosexual Marriages. The trashiest? You guessed it, it's The Golden Girls' Bea Arthur. |
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 (above) The pretty swimsuit. All swimsuits of Sasami are tiny! It shines in the shining in the day shine of the sun! (right) The pink swimsuit. One of the colors which express prettiness. |
Love! Love! Love! Pretty Samy!The Japanese version is every day renewal! It is multiplying at present(^-^) The Ninjin Pajama Union is start! Another name "The union which will become a painter at all now" We are waiting for everybody's participation from the heart. Reading this page is a lot like watching scrambled cable channels for tits. Most of the time it makes no sense, but periodically things pop up that you're pretty sure you should be masturbating to. It's as if the entire page is from a Nintendo game written by Lis.
The cooking classroom of Sasami. Sasami is the master of the food. It wants to eat the food of Sasami...
The song of the magical: Sasami which was made idle at last.It is good to sing*^^*
Besides the incredible text, it's mostly pictures of shapeless anime girls in swimsuits dancing with undefinable creatures and talking kitties. It's exactly what you'd expect from Japan - just as they expect all of us to be fat bastards in hamburger outfits wearing cowboy hats and riding beat up orange cars with confederate flags on the roof. I would write more ethnocentric sarcasm, but right now I'm under litigation from Pretty Samy! after ignoring her page's warning: |
 I really think these CRAZY CHARACTERS are actually aliens wearing loose fitting high school guidance counselor masks. |
 because when people have THE WINNER, the Lord Jesus Christ, in their lives, and they are living for Him, they are winners, too! Superkidz 4 Christ are Winners! This page is crazier than Love! Love! Love! Pretty Samy! is. As far as I can tell it's about the group to the left overcoming their physical deformities to spread Jesus' message of winning to easily inspired children everywhere. They do this through inspirational sketch comedy featuring not only their own CRAZY CHARACTER selves, but a huge group of other CRAZY CHARACTERS it looks like they and Jesus stole from the Muppet Show. |
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I found this picture (named WOW.jpg) along with a nearly comprehensive list of CRAZY CHARACTERS. Warning: simply reading this list will make you winner! The Great Garbonzo, the Mad Scientist, Doctor Chatterfingers, Wipe Out Willy, Ski Daddle, the Bubble Man, Chef Escargot, Captain Zoom from Boom, Wayne Weight, Yohanne Rosignolski, and many more (over 20!!) delight children and adults alike! |
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