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And are fish really worth talking to? Our genius scientists taught that gorilla sign language, and do you know what we learned? "Banana is pretty! Banana make gorilla happy!" I'm going to say what we already know: we're not going to learn shit from animals. I guess we could teach a cat to talk to find out what assholes taste like without having to go to prison. Maybe dogs could let us know if it's a good idea to make food that turns into "gravy" when you add water, but what would anyone learn from fish? "Sunken toy castle is adventure! Big fish equal danger!" Fish don't know anything. It was probably a damn fish that talked Aquaman into getting that belt buckle. Unless he's been shopping with truck drivers.
I said he has to PAY SUPERVILLAINS RENT! Oh, I tell ya, he gets captured so often, the villains keep cans of tuna on hand so he'll always have a cellmate.
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You probably noticed how the Super Friends spend most of their day standing in front of their TV waiting for a crisis to pop up. Seventy percent of the time, it's this image (right). When they first formed the Super Friends, they had a good time making office pools on how long it would take until they had to rescue Aquaman again. Now it's just part of the day's scheduled events. Their day goes breakfast, arts and crafts, Earth Science, Batman's Bat-Tips, Lunch, free time, rescue Aquaman, lecture Aquaman, crisis prevention, song practice, rescue Aquaman, punch Aquaman, dinner.
SUPER RATING: 1
He sometimes added some drama. If the team was just Superman and Wonder Woman, the show would be over in 20 seconds. When they send Aquaman to do something, they can stretch a show out as long as they need to. If they had thirty minutes to kill between moral lessons, that's just about exactly how long it takes for Aquaman to find and subdue some 8 year old shoplifters that fled into a phone booth.
The jetski was a little bit sad too. What the hell was it for? Superman didn't have a handglider. Apache Chief didn't have a wheelchair. When your super powers are swimming well and riding fish, I say use them whenever you can. The jetski's nicer on your crotch than the spiny back of a seahorse, but when are you going to get a chance to use your powers again? In the bathtub? Is the Aqua Jetski just you trying to see what life is like for us non-fish people, Aquaman? If that's what it is, the first step to blending in is taking off the damn chainmail pajamas. It doesn't seem to help protect you anyway, I've seen you get knocked unconscious by a heavy wind.
One of his other underwater "powers" was making water balls and throwing them at people. I probably don't have to explain how deadly it is to get somebody wet when they're at the bottom of the ocean. The only reason Aquaman even got a one on his SUPER RATING is because as pathetic as he is, he's still more useful than Marvin, Wendy, and that fucking dog in the cape. I would still pick his fish ass for my kick ball team after my grandma, though.
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