Seanbaby Guestbook

From: another casualty

Age:

Homepage: http://www.angelfire.com/hi2/casualfrown/
08-Dec-99 07:50 PM

I worship at the altar of Seanbaby!

Shit, if I knew hot chicks were going to be showing up at my altar, I would've cleaned. This place smells like cock.

Speaking of cock, here's an update from my old college town in Moscow, Idaho from Big Red. Please enjoy a moment we all wish we lived through:

"This was so fucked up. We're walking home from something or other and we're just over the bridge on Paradise Creek and around onto Deakin. Coming slowly towards us is the retard that drives around in his wheelchair with the big orange flag and his head all leaned over to the side like a muppet with bad stitching. As soon as he sees us, he starts making that sound that only retards make. You know, like a groan and a scream at the same time. His wheelchair goes out of control and starts zooming all over the sidewalk and he speeds up. We're forced to back off into the woodchips, and I'm laughing and worried at the same time. As soon as he had passed us, he returned to normal. It almost seemed like his wheelchair mysteriously went out of control and he was fighting to keep us from danger...retards are clever."

From: Gregory

Age: 10
08-Jul-99 05:23 PM

Kewl site, now I get 2 see porn. By the way, my gramps pissed his pants laughing from your page, he thinks all Christians should die. Gramps is kewl.

From: Kaiser Caecuis

Age: 20
15-Jul-99 10:15 AM

I must say that you, seanbaby, have an excellent homepage and your commentaries on current events and NES games are the most amusing that I have read in a long time. Please keep doing what you do!

"I'm 6'3" tall and pack a nice 200 lbs, I've got dark brown hair and hazel (almost green) eyes. Sort of a swimmer's type build and a nice 8 & 1/2" (cut) downstairs. I'm currently working on getting this bod into a little nicer shape."

"I walk up to Lance and very bluntly asked if he wanted one of the hottest suck offs he'd ever experienced. To my amazement, and without hesitation he said YES!"

From: Imp Mayhem

Age: 20

Homepage: http://www.public.coe.edu/~aaweinma
21-Jul-99 03:32 PM

Dear Seanbaby -
I've been having trouble with women recently. They're all convinced that I'm the worst man in the world. I mean, is it too much to ask if I want to lick their feet on the first date? And what's the big deal about asking them to wear a latex crocodile suit in public? I mean, am I the only one in the world who thinks hearing a woman screaming my mother's name during sex is erotic?
- Imp

Since it would obviously be way too embarrassing to be caught speaking to this person, I've asked Dr. Genius to respond:
Yes, your plight is very serious, but I have used my scientifically perfect brain to come up with an answer. Girls will not go out with you because you are a fucking dork.

From: Calvin

Age: I have no age, but if you must know, 12
28-Jul-99 03:34 PM

Hey, hey, hey, Baby of sean, love your site and all I have to say is: YOURS IS THE BEST FUCKING SITE ON THE WEB! and to all you who think otherwise:


                     (_(_) (_|_) (_)_)

                      |  |  | |   |  |

P.S. did I mention I love your site?

Yes, I am offering a $10,000 reward to anyone that introduces me to the woman that I marry (or propose to). No, if you yourself call and we marry, you don't get $10,000, but you do get me...

(right) Me being silly with a piece of kelp that looked like a brain that I found on the beach

From: A-Winner-Is-Me

Age: 36
04-Aug-99 03:53 PM

Your`e sites fucked up.

From: Conway
05-Aug-99 08:43 PM

'Bout time you incorporated some Dolemite into yo pages, you rat-soup eatin insecure jock-jawwed muthafucka!

From: Tony R

Age: 36
13-Aug-99 09:49 AM

Thank you so much for enlightening me to the James Vipond page. I used this page as the satrting point for finding such screwed-up individuals as the Rev. Leslie Lerias who made this page:
http://members.tripod.com/smallwonderfiles/

Leslie is a radical lesbian who has taken it upon herself to warn the innocent children of the evils of the television show "Small Wonder". She also presents stories she has written about the show and talks about dreams she has had about some of the characters. Thank you again

I began taping the show daily starting on 27 March 1989. We had very little money back then, but with my tiny allowance, I would buy tapes for the show. I began taping them every afternoon at 5 on Channel 11. Then, we would talk about it at school the next day.

I was in 9th grade around this time. I was a special education student, placed in a special class offered by San Bernardino County. Why was because I was a disturbed child. And my friends around me were too. I had three good friends then. Scott Morango, Ryan Fedorsic and Eric Rushing. They were very similar to the boys from South Park. Scott was like Stan, he'd fart and puke a lot. Ryan was like Cartman, a dumb fat kid whom we always called Fat Ass. Eric was like Kenny, he'd talk in a mumble, but he didn't get killed every day. I guess I was Kyle, with my androgynous name. We'd talk about Small Wonder a lot. But Ryan had a habit of teasing Scott about looking like Vicki. I don't think he looked anything like her. My hair was always long and it still is. Ryan "Cartman" would say this kind of stuff to me too. Eventually, Ryan and I fell out of friendship and whenever the topic of Small Wonder would come up in group counseling, it would turn into the Jerry Springer show.

From: God

Age: 11

Homepage: www.rosy.com
18-Aug-99 06:10 AM

"SAY AMEN DON'T NOT SAY AMEN. SAY AMEN DON'T NOT SAY AMEN. BIBLE NOT HAPPY DAYS ANNUAL 1979. IF YOU DON'T OG HO CLEAN UP YOUR PAGE I WILL SMITE YOU TO THE DIRTY GROUND. I DON'T KNOW HOW TO TAKE DOWN YOUR PAGE SO I WILL SEND THEE A PSALM SPAM. CAN YOU PLEASE EXPLAIN HOW TO CUT AND PASTE. GOD. PS CAN I HAVE JOYCE'S TEL. NO."

God has recently received critical acclaim even from people he has blessed with mild retardation. One of his fans was recently quoted saying, "Wait, on an added thought: I guess you may be curious as to who I am and what I represent. Here are some popular opinions about me...I am outgoing, HYPER, friendly, open-minded, willing, most of all I am COMPASSIONATE!!! I have a terrible quality of doing one hundred things at once. I was once quoted as saying,"I was going to stop procrastinating, but I never got around to it." I am so wacky...I love doing crazy things. Nothing of the norm ever happens to me...I lead a life of adventure. I have gone above many obstacles when everyone said it was impossible! How did I do this? With the help of (many)friends, all my parents, and most important...GOD!!"

From: King Bahamut Gidorah

Age: 17
13-Aug-99 06:42 PM

Hey dude, i got a couple of girls here in Stockholm, Sweden waiting for you. I promise you they´re all minors and top quality. They all want to get fuckfuck. Hurry hurry!
Fan du rockar hårdare än kamelpung!

From: B. Studio

Age: 20

Homepage: http://members.tripod.com/kingofhardcore/index.html
26-Aug-99 11:34 AM

Wow! I am so glad I stumbled upon this page! Maybe if girls know I visit this page they will send me e-mail! I hope so! Thanx Seanbaby!

B. Studio, aka "Eraser84". Lacking in imagination, one of those people with surreality constipation. Example: once tried to endure a conversation with someone that thought it would be cool if the mothership in Space Invaders was a banana instead. Suggested that he play Diddy Kong Racing as there are a lot of bananas. He said that the use of bananas in that context was too obvious. I asked him what wacky object he would replace them with. He looked about him for half an hour, then looked down at the pub table, then looked at me with a mischievous glint in his eye and said "tables". Then his gaze became challenging, as if to say "How will you respond! I've just floored you with my unpredictable humour!" I responded by failing to sustain a fake smile. I don't think girls will mail Eraser84. Imagine the state of his chat-up lines - "Your eyes are like ... beer. Your hair is like ... a chair."

From: Daydolon

Age: 17

Homepage: http://www.geocities.com/SunsetStrip/Amphitheatre/3775
25-Aug-99 05:44 PM

Ok, I was very, very, very stupid last time I signed this book. Yeah I figured you deleted me. Ok, so this time I'll be a little bit nicer:
Your site rulz!
Last time I only checked out your stupid page and your mega man page, but I dug in a little more, and, whoa! I almost pissed my pants! Porno games on the Atari 2600? Jesus, I wish I played those! All I had were pac-man and some air plane game. Also, your NES awards were great. Do you have a banner for your site? I desperately wanna link to it! Man, I laughed outta my seat when I saw the intro "Ninjas have kidnapped the president. Are you a bad enough dude for the job?". I figured you made that up.
C-Ya

I don't remember the deleting DayDolon's first signature. This note implies that the one before it was even lamer, and that scares the shit out of me. I look forward to his homepage's promise of "My Club Review," though. I hope he'll add a section about food criticism and parking tips. THAT would rulz.

Daydolon: Named himself after Noob Saibot, although the very sight of this "quirky" character makes him crap himself.

From: Erika

Age: 16 (Which means I can now have sex LEGALLY)

Homepage: http://www.puppet-grrl.com
28-Aug-99 06:24 PM

Seanbaby, remember about a month ago I sent you a picture I had drawn of you as a Power Puff? Seeing as I have no life, and therefore nothing better to do, I drew a couple more...

Lis is so cute anyway, she didn't really need to be turned into a cartoon, but, eh, whatthehell.

And the last one is of you and the woman I in vain try to be, Joyce

Even tho you'll most likely deleate this message, I still have this warm fuzzy feeling from knowing I actually signed your guestbook.

Erika

what are you going to say to that slut child erika? I'd only just finished the process of growing tits when I was her age. i don't know Joyce but I'm guessing that sleeping around before you've grown all your pubes isn't the best way to go about emulating her.

If you're just mad because she didn't draw a picture of you, here's one she sent me a couple months ago with you in it. If you're mad because of the images conjured up by the "I can now have sex legally" line, so am I. But worryingly interested.

From: Sarah

Age: ...Sigh...
27-Aug-99 09:27 PM

You're absolutely right, pardon my booboo. Next time I see one of your silly little monkeys pop their furry bread-filled head in your guestbook, I promise to refrain from taunting, poking fun of, and/or throwing rotten fruit at the poor fool. That's your job, and I see the error of my ways. In fact, after your repremand I felt just terrible; my heart was heavy, (just how much does the average frigid female heart weigh, anyway?) and I was moved toward doing some kind of penance for my sins.

I decided to tattoo "Seanbaby" across my ample ass.

At once I realised the letters alone would be too dull alone, so it seemed a picture of some kind was in order. What kind, tho'? I didn't lose much sleep over it. (I know how you worry) It was a toss up between a little piggy jumping out of a box with "Seanbaby!" in a word ballon, or a nude pic of Julie Andrews. I decided on the latter. Does that make me a Female Homosexual? Do I have to go find a dog to fuck?

It must be annoying thinking of replies to girls who write rambling unfunny things but cutely want to do you. I don't mean me, I mean Sarah "sigh".

Who thinks of replies? I just link to pictures of gay naked men at a Wild West Cocktail Party and Country-Western Dancing cocktail parties. “And the god of gay male naturism said: Yee haw! It's time for the afternoon's Wild West cocktail party!”

	XXUTAK the Unconquerable, Lord of Werkon
	Castle Werkon Online (A.K.A. Crap on a Stick)
	I live beyond the flow of time...
	The NES page (what else?)!
	Hmm... Seanbaby, you are funny, but you have committed the one act that is unforgivable...you...uhh...wait a minute! I don't like anything you vicously (did I spell that right?) mocked! Now anyway, I seek your opinion on a very important matter: Do woodchucks exist? Now answer carefully, the fate a huge colony of headlice living in Henry Ford's rotting pubic hair depeds on you!

"Due to message induced nausea, I had my friend Big Red respond to this one:

Dear XXUTAK:
Before responding to your captivating existential questions, I must advise Seanbaby (as his personal psychologist/ass friend) to consider carefully the following facts presented by your comments:
1. Your name has a lot of capital letters in it.
2. You live in an internet castle.
3. You are obviously concerned about the well-being of parasites.
4. You are obviously fixated on the state of old crotches.
5. It is okay for Seanbaby to "vicously mock" things if you don't like them.
6. You would rather not disclose your age, either because said disclosure is considered by you to be lacking in "wit", or because you are 12.
7. You consider Seanbaby to be "funny".
It could be that your comments were not in fact worth responding to. However apparently I am anyway, so perhaps you should be more careful in the future before vomiting your wit in our direction. Please remain in your pastel castle and continue your junior high school discussions in private.
Thank you for your time."

From: Mike Romano

Age: 18

Homepage: http://members.aol.com/kefkinos/kefka.com
02-Sep-99 09:32 AM

You rock the house. And I wanna have your children. That's about all I guess.

I had a couple of adopted kids I was going to give you, but Sally Strothers had already brushed them with barbecue sauce and they were covered in flies. So please accept these young ninjas:

From: Jeff

Age: 26

Homepage: http://www.anniescostumes.com/sexy.htm
06-Oct-99 09:29 AM

I was searching for pages about the Superfriends when I discovered your extra nifty site. Now I'm hooked. Your site is cooler than my favorite pro wrestling site. I really mean it.

Though you could still use a little bit more Dolemite, you no-business motherfucker.

Jeff

From: zach

Age: 20
02-Oct-99 07:39 PM

Americanized american eyes see the wee lies through the black and white lines. But Seanbaby's cries about stupid people's lives and NES games help to rejuvinize.....thank you.

	The Doctor
	null
	Hostess Cupcakes Page
	Greetings and Achtung. I, too, am also easily bemused by Hostess Cupcake comic ads from the 70's and 80's. I've got a pretty big collection myself, but nothing to rival yours. There's nothing funnier then seeing an arrogant sarcastic 80's Rocker insult all the things we hold dear. And I mean that in the best of ways. Good luck, and don't dial 911 unless it's an emergency. Heil!

"Thank you for your comments on the Seanbaby websites. Due to the number of messages received, each will be responded to in the order in which it was received. Your input is important to us, and Seanbaby gives you his sincerest wishes for a long and prosperous life."

From: SkaRy GiRL *curtsie*

Age: 17

Homepage: http://hometown.aol.com/xspazmaticx/myhomepage/profile.html
27-Aug-99 02:40 AM

Contains nudity, graphic language and explicit material that some may find disturbing. Parental supervision is STRONGLY frowned upon.

And thats just in my living room, Sean baby come upstairs anytime *wink wink nudge nudge* >insert evil satanic laugh here<

As you know, the content of all the messages from girls are irrelevant as they have the common subtext "I want to pork you". But anyway, I wouldn't expect anything more racy from this girl's aol.com site than "I like boys! I spend all my time on the phone! I would let Seanbaby get to 3rd base on our second date!"

I've never gone out with someone a second time if I didn't get way past third base on the first date. Waiting's for prudes that want to save their love for their husband's two second pump through a hole in a sheet on their wedding night. If a woman or women didn't want to have sex with me on the first date, that usually meant the end of the relationship. Not out of disrespect for the ladies, but because we obviously lead very different lifestyles.

From: Alruhi

Age: HAHAHAHAHAHH!!!

Homepage: http://gmga.fractalus.com/Jurhael/
22-Sep-99 10:31 AM

I just ADORE this site! You have a great sense of humor! I love your Nintendo page! It reminded me of the games I used to play. I enjoyed your scathing comments about Christianity, stupidity and bad comics. You are very talented. I hope to see more! I will visit very often! Keep up the good work!

From: justin simoni

Age: 18

Homepage: http://skazat.com
20-Sep-99 08:15 PM

wtf?
i can't not stop looking at this page. my friend found it in the summer. he spent all night and day looking at it, really. he showed me the nes pages, ohmygod. then the stupid people.. then the oiit just goes on. just good luck i suppose that my new roomate is a megaman worshipper, so i had to show em those (4?) pages, oi keep being so flamingly... funny like and keep getting your girlfriend to draw those huge... legs of yers, wow, check out yer link from my hopelessly less funny and intersting personal site.

From: Rod Hull

Age: about 60
23-Sep-99 05:38 AM

I am Rod Hull. I am him. I loooooove your electronic web-page site. It is very amusing and witty and funny. My friend emu thought so to. However I am extremely disappointed at the lack of Jelly-related content in these pages. May I suggest you rectify this extreme error of judgement. You could start, perhaps, with some photographs of the Jelly. GREEN Jelly only if you please. Where is my Jelly? I must have JELLY!!! JEEEEEEELLLLLLYYYYYYY!
Please note that failure to include JELLY on this site will result in a life-long ban to the Rod Hull and Emu fan club. Oh yes.

Yours Sincerely, Rod Hull (the real one)

At this point you may not be wondering who Rod Hull is. But if you are, I can tell you that he was a wretched mop-topped wrinkly TV star with a bad suit, a puppet emu and an entourage of kiddie followers, who all lived together in a stout phallic symbol and got over-excited when somebody knocked at the door. Sounds cool so far, huh. But you have to remember that he was no ventriloquist, the emu was mute and was in fact just a ploy to grope c-list celebrities’ crotches under the pretense of a wacky “emu attack”. After his TV series ended this is just about all he did, until his demise. He fell off a roof trying to adjust his TV aerial. Theoretically, impersonating him is funny, weird and even cool, but somebody else got there first and this person is just regurgitating that person’s material. To appreciate the humour of this ejaculation it might help to remember that in the UK, jelly is a tasty wobbly gelatine snack, and not a fruit conserve. Or it might not help at all. *snooze*

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