From: Lars Age: 18 08-Nov-99 01:33 AM

I'm going to take you to court, Mr. Seanbaby. You clearly have a monopoly on Internet humor, and it is obvious that you are using your considerable clout to render the Internet as barren as Janet Reno. Goddamit, I typed in a random url, www.diediedie.com, and they were fucking linked to your page! Well, here's a little tidbit for you. Lum the Mad's UO rant page has been down for 2 weeks, and I'm betting you or your sponser are responsible. At first, I thought it was just my imagination. But then I realized, if the portalofevil server ever went down, I would be as screwed in the humor department as I am in the e-mail department when hotmail goes down for the umpteenth time. What's internet humor? You can recreate most of it by going to the bathroom and doing number two. I'm not involved with any of that. I do, however, get a small royalty every time someone writes about sticking their cock into something.

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From: TC Age: 25 Homepage: http://www.fortunecity.com/littleitaly/bari/151/paper.html 03-Dec-99 05:52 PM

I never pegged you as the civilly disobedient sort, yet there you were on my tele live from Seattle staging a peaceful sit in and getting bashed on the head with a billy club. I hope the National Guard did not rape you or fondle your soft parts. Please stay in Portland where it's cozy and nice. I thought this was a joke, but since it's missing that comedy thing required to be a joke, you must really think you saw me on the news. I was not in Seattle, and haven't done enough research on the WTO or the Starbuck's looters to come up with reasons why they're both lame. I think the looters were against sea turtles dying, and the police were against people randomly destroying property. And they're all a bunch of violent, exciteable spazzes. I usually only go to protests when I need a new VCR.

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From: Arthur Langereis Age: 20 Homepage: http://www.njinn.com 05-Dec-99 05:10 PM

Geniously insane, Seanbaby understands. I am speechless in witness of such wisdom and wit. Great site ! Like the incredible Barry Williams said when a reviewer called his album, Return of Johnny Bravo, the greatest album of the year: "Wow. Somebody got it." Thank you, Arthur. And thank you Greg Brady. For all the years of wisdom, and for letting us into your home... letting us grow up with you. Letting us remove your flesh, wear your flesh, create new lovers with the flesh so burning with life.

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From: Benoξt Cτtι Age: 50 (so sue me) 07-Jul-99 12:15 PM

Great stuff. My kid just tol' me about yer stuff, and I have been amusedly using up a lot of conceivably more productive time having a good yuk or four. Most excellent. You reprobate you. Cheers, B

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From: Joyce Age: cute age 09-Jul-99 04:30 AM

kickass website. i liked your atheist thoughts. Thanks for signing the guestbook honey. Here's that picture I took of you last week outside of Kitty Princess Boutique. I love you, Sean

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From: Jo Age: ancient.....decrepit....old :-) Homepage: http://www.geocities.com/TheTropics/Resort/9730 22-Jul-99 09:35 PM

Seanbaby......what does your Mother think about all this??? HHhhhhmmm???? Well, as a MOM... *whispers....I got this link from my son* I say....."Job well done!". I may even put a link to it on my page :-) My mom never really cared in school whether or not I knew how to do differential equations or paint, just as long as I went to class and got good grades. And so she doesn't really care if the three or four books worth of comedy on the page is that funny - she's just impressed by all the awards it's won. My mom probably likes my page more than the "YOUR PAGE SUCKS FAGGOT" kids, but I don't think she's even been on it more than once.

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From: Shaka-kahn Age: 14 27-Jul-99 08:29 PM

Dear Seanbaby, I just wanted to say, how do you get all this wierd crap man?? It's all so hilarious!! I swear man! Anyways. Feel free to write me back. I'm gonna go take a cold shower and watch some midget porno. See ya later man! Everyone on the internet lies. Especially during the final (character development) line of lame notes. For example, if someone writes a short note that ends in "I'm drunk now." They aren't drunk. And if someone writes, "I just had sex." They haven't ever had sex. So after reading your message, I know two things you don't do - watch dwarves fuck or shower.

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From: Lovie Age: 27 13-Aug-99 08:45 AM

I just had to tell you your page RULES boy! Haa haa all that stuff about Aquaman cracks me up. However I think the Green Latern guy should get a higher rating, he was the STUD of the friends. Anyway I have enjoyed your page very much and will be telling my friends about it. (We used to play "Superfriends"in my back yard) I was wonder woman. Haa haa I am still laughing. I have added you to my favorites. Good Job!!! Special Guestbook breaking news! It was a normal day at work until I picked up the latest copy of Portland's Asian Journal. It's an important periodical and is widely read. If you count throwing into the office toilet reading. Here is a transcription and photo from this week's FRONT PAGE article: The visit was made more festive due to the fact that it was Mayor Katz' birthday. Hsieh presented her with a gift of facial cream and a card and the city presented her with a cake which everyone enjoyed. "It is very nice to meet you," Katz told Hsieh.

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From: chip the disgruntled angry redneck Age: 17 Homepage: http://suckmyballs.com 13-Aug-99 12:50 AM

High. Love the new main page. I just read your reader mail section. Those brotherly saints or brothers or whatever have to be the biggest bunch of fuckin idiots i have ever seen. I myself dont believe in god, and for some inbred, stupid christian to tell ya to put a holy symbol on yer page just makes the urge to go egg the nearest church more tempting. Damn Saint peter. He can suck my holy huge penis! Stay the coolest seanbaby It's a little bit ironic that making fun of stupidity inspires stupidity, but nothing compares to the irony of the page I just found. It's called Nykki's Fun Page and is described as "Pet Loss, Dogs, Grief, Poem, Poetry" On it, you can read fun stories about how she had to put her dog to sleep or hear a FUN poem about euthanasia.

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From: Clef 12-Aug-99 01:33 PM

I made a cover for your game. Here: I once lost a bet when I was 10 years old when an old man crossed an icy sidewalk and got to his car instead of falling and dying like I predicted. The conditions of the bet were simple. I had to pretend to be retarded and ride the short bus home. I didn't back out. I faked a spastic limp and moaned my way to the back of the 4 foot long bus, the air thick with extra chromosomes and protective helmets. I spent 30 long minutes with the "Gronk People" and learned a new respect for their ways. I tell you this story because I feel it's relevant to your poster. Because these people may not have been able to make a picture like it, feed themselves, or even communicate without spitting and violently pointing, but at least they fucking knew there was no "j" in the word "the."

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From: Chocobert Homepage: http://members.tripod.com/Chocobert/index.html 11-Aug-99 04:44 PM

I know that you get enough messages saying ",Dude you rock!" that my message won't mean too much, but at least it's nicer than the guy below me, so ",Dude you rock!" You're wrong. All fan mails are printed out, laminated, and framed - even in cases like yours with randomly inserted punctuation and little substance. I also respond personally to each fan by driving by their home and honking my horn, throwing an autographed picture of myself at their front door if their letter was mostly complete sentences, and stopping for a fuck if they're wearing a top hat.

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From: James Vipond's would-be Avatar 09-Sep-99 04:05 PM

It's a comprehensive list of everything James Vipond has ever posted to Usenet. 1944 posts to news.admin.net-abuse.sightings (James, making the net safe for us!), 8 to alt.tv.sesame-street, and only 1 to alt.christnet.nudism! My favorite is the post to soc.culture.african-american, where he asked for advice on his new Minerva Walker sitcom. Fascinating stuff if you're a Vipond fan! Subject: Seeking advice on developing TV series Date: 1997/07/29 Author: James H. Vipond I'm a stranger to this newsgroup, in more ways than one. I am developing an animated TV comedy series about an African-American family (the fact of being animated sets it apart from other black sitcoms), and would like advice from the members of this group on how I can maximize cultural accuracy and avoid stereotypes. Author: Daniel Jones Hello, James, and thank you for your interest in our culture. My people and I love to tapdance. Also, we can breathe in outer space and think the malt liquor and cock jokes are pretty tired. Try to replace them with noisy catch phrases and a neighbor with a jerry curl that's really stupid. One more thing, we all think Seanbaby is a funny ass motherfucker.

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From: Roger Milliken Age: 18 19-Oct-99 05:42 PM

Dude, your webpage kicks ass. It made me laugh. And your hair is pretty cool too. I gotta show my friends this. Your webpage is everything a personal web page should be, informative funny and outright cool. I think all personal pages should be called "My Little Corner of the Web" with pictures of pets, unexplained lists of Things That Suck, birthday party photo albums with captions less thought out than the shit people write here, and some Inside Joke nonsense you and your friends scream at each other like, "Cheese is good!" And if you could, try to dedicate the entire thing to a dead relative right above the rotating picture of Homer Simpson labeled, "Simpsons rule."

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From: Forke Age: 16 Homepage: http://www.hermithut.com 14-Aug-99 10:50 PM

Seanbaby, the site kicks major ass, if all of us were as quick witted and suave as you, then the world would be like the Twilight Zone. If you were all as quick witted and suave as me, I wouldn't have anything to make fun of. I'm not saying I like you idiots, but I understand your worth to this page.

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From: Sarah Age: Uh...aproximate or actual? 13-Aug-99 12:57 PM

...Shall I compare you to a summers day? YOU FUCKIN' ROCK! Sigh. I am not worthy. -Sarah Poetry isn't the way to win my heart, but if a woman has breasts and has them with her, I consider her "worthy."

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From: ~El Wang Superiore~ 20-Aug-99 05:33 AM

Dude, why do you you look so damn good in that red adidas shirt, and i dont? I bought that shirt thinking i'd look smashing but noooooo, i'm not studly enough. You must have gotten sexyness implants. Are those spacepants you're wearing? cause that ass is out of this world. I just want to be pretty, is that so wrong? Being pretty takes a lot of work. I have to wake up every morning to three hours of painful makeup with creature creator Rick Baker, followed by an 11 mile jog and a delightful brunch with Miss Pretty, who teaches me etiquette and posture. There's a lot more to being pretty than sticking your pinky out while you drink and putting your eyeliner on straight.

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Johnny Lightning Varies; was 18 last time I love Lis like no man has ever loved a pink-haired hotty before. Shit, but you piss me off. You know why? You're wittier than I am, that's why. I'm not going to even bother getting a web page now, because yours would be better. My ambition has been forever destroyed, thanks to you. Also, you have Joyce and Lis, two women I could never touch, because you might hurt me. Anyway, good job, please stop, the rest of us need a chance.

"Wow. I first designed the site to piss off my parents and give me something to do at work besides play with Barbies. I had no idea it could be used to destroy the self esteem of visitors. This is like a testicular rush of inspiration."

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From: rev. joe momma Age: ''13013'' Homepage: http://www.subgenius.com 03-Sep-99 08:18 AM

how cool is it that me and my consultant friends can read your page and still get paid? did you know I just made about thirteen cents typing this? i find your lack of kung fu on this site disturbing.

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From: Fatima Age: 18 Homepage: http://gurlpages.com/obsess/iloveadrock/index.html 24-Aug-99 08:58 AM

Geez, sorry about the whole "Christian Right" thing. I decided to check out the pics of you on their site and founs something a bit more shocking. Not only does "Fagwatch" protect our children from "perversity", they offer such fine educational resources as free gay porn and detailled rim job instructions. As for Alienboy, yes, we know these people are idiots but a fairly inarticulate and wordy attack on Christians is well, boring. Keep on rockin our world, Seanbaby. (also, the unauthorized images of you make for a great lawsuit, but I'm sure you know this) My favorite thing about fagwatch is the section on "Female Homosexuals" where there is a dog fucking some lady. There are a lot of things wrong with it, but it definitely is not gay. Unless it's a bitch (scientific term) with a strap-on, but I only know of 13 places that sell strap-ons for dogs. And two of them have almost gone out of business since now you can buy hormones to grow your female dog a cock. To address your idea of legal action against fagwatch, lawsuits are for pussies and people that trip on sidewalks. They're for retards that think they deserve money for sticking their hand in a toaster. Plus, the only judge I would want presiding would be Wapner, and unless I turn into a fucking Koala bear, that's not going to happen.

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From: grey Hulk Age: 19 26-Aug-99 10:57 PM

I'd just also like to remind you that lawsuits are also for oportunistic bastards who need money to make a trip to Japan. Oh yeah. How did I forget to add that, you stupid fuck?

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From: Nipsey Russell,the Poet Laureate Age: 20 Homepage: http://hotoldladies.com/beaarthur-slut.html 31-Aug-99 11:48 PM

Your site has pleased me,and if I either had the time or creativity to do so I would express my joy in haiku.Any page that causes me to laugh over seven consecutive times at the thought of an Oompa-Loompa doing a cartwheel deserves the assload of pointless awards you've received. But I must especially praise you for the Preacher Hostess ad. I am an enormous fan of the Preacher series and seeing the tasty snacks of Hostess and the most badass Godless son of a bitch collide made me fill my catheter in joy. Lastly, what's the story with James Vipond? First off,why does he hate you,and secondly who the hell makes Small Wonder fan sites? Or makes sitcoms about black people in South Dakota,which I might add,do not live there. I pity da fool. James hates me because I don't share his appreciation for non-sexual nudity, God, game shows, or Small Wonder. I just think you should have sex with naked people, the mighty Thor is a more believable character than God, Bob Barker is too old to sleep with Dianne Parkinson, and Small Wonder is probably the worst show ever made. It's the little things like these that drive people apart.

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From: ro Homepage: http://www.west.net/~ferguson/rohq/rohq.html 31-Aug-99 03:49 PM

i enjoy the fat chicks in party hats, but i'd never party with them indoors, because fat women always have to turn their goddamned air conditioners on til it's so freezing cold you can't fucking breathe Thanks for the words of wisdom, but I don't hang out with fat people very often. They seem pretty handy, but only at summer camp when you need that fat team member to produce a strong showing in the weiner-eating contest. That's really the most important olympiad event at Saint Tatunkamunha Adventure Camp. Other things they're good at: acting as floatation devices, rolling down hills. They also have Class 8 eye beams and can speak to animals.

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From: matt Age: 19 Homepage: http://www.nol.net/~suixide 02-Sep-99 04:53 PM

nifty little page. especially the comics aspect. got your url from miguel's page and didn't regret it. There was a day when only me and a few friends knew about Miguel's comedic mastery after some accidental exact phrase searching on altavista. We decided, after a short video presentation I put together, to make him a star. And now he's more famous than I am. At least he hasn't forgotten me now that he's at the top - "Also thankyou again to Seanbaby for making me a STAR!!!!! thankyou to all the fattys that did not eat party hats and wear them. ha ha! you look stupid." He's a genius. I'm just glad to help the world see it.

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Casey "Hildigam" Campbell 15 all of it one of the best pages ive seen. Great graphics, hilarious parts, and all of it's true. SeanBaby for president in 2004!

"Thanks for the nomination, but in 2004, I'll only be 28. The earliest I can make it on the ballot is 2012, and given the current trend of my amount of jaded bitterness being directly proportional to my age, I will have probably killed most of the registered voters by that time. That, and the fact that I hate politics, inhaled, and am still a legal citizen of Uruguay, will make it extremely difficult for me to be your President. However, if you see previous entries of the guestbook, I can be your messiah."

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J. Thompson 23 NES Worst 20! Oh, I absolutely had to sign your guestbook. A good friend of mine, tortured by endless amounts of fast-food employment, sent me your webpage addy as a hope to help those, like himself, in the understanding that the world still has a healthy dose of realists... and with a sense of humor, no less! Thanks for telling it like it is, and reminding me of those good 'ol NES days, when small pixeled, bouncing figures on my screen seemed like the coming of great future technology! Pong...! We started with PONG! Of course the world fears us! We created a game like StarTropics 2! Anyway, thanks again. -J.Thompson.

"If I were a realist, I would have already gone mad. In order to maintain my state of mind, I have to assume that humans are just kidding around. I think that counts as idealism, but I usually don't categorize myself until it gets me free shampoo samples in the mail."

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From: CyberHawk Z Age: 16 02-Sep-99 05:26 AM

Love your site... freakin hilarious! Why We Like Girls I know I've only read a page by this author, but let me tell you about him. The only time his phone ever rings is when a girl he knows broke up with her boyfriend. He's a "good listener" and will probably take her out for iced coffee or tea. He hugs her and maybe snuggles with her when she cries. He talks about how crazy that "guy" must have been to leave an angel like her. Then he comes back home to have sex with me.

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From: Antivitae Age: 16 09-Sep-99 07:21 PM

Well what can I say? I've been an avid reader since before www.seanbaby.com. Figured it was about time to sign your guestbook so you can respond to my post with some sort of witty rejoinder. Extra points if you can involve 'delicious candy' and 'drunken retarded midget porn' in your response. Antivitae, tagline god. I've mentioned this before, but if you want a good response, please don't sign the guestbook with just a story about you signing the guestbook.

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From: jen Age: 21 Homepage: http://www.i_wish_i_had_the_talent_to_design_a_webpage.com 15-Sep-99 12:56 AM

ok, first off, one thing i noticed is you have the most amazingly intense blue eyes. but anyway, i was extremely amused, so much so that i added your page to my favorites. i think i woke up my parents laughing. keep up the good work...peace out...jen Besides being prettier than other eyes, blue eyes also have practical uses. For example, I can watch a 3D movie with only a transparent red eye patch rather than unstylish paper glasses.

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From: Sterling Rick Silver Age: 26 Homepage: http://come.to/bigunit 18-Sep-99 11:29 PM

That "20 Worst Nintendo Games Of All Time" was the funniest shit I've read in weeks. Thanks. -Rick I'm assuming what you were reading weeks ago was Squirrel's Laugh-O-Rama, the self proclaimed "FUNNIEST place on the Net....if this site doesn't make you laugh then nothing will!!." While I was searching for the greatest comedy site, I learned that there are thousands of "FUNNIEST places on the Net," but this one seems to be the only one with the balls to transcribe popsicle stick riddles and call them hilarious. All statistics are based on my three painful clicks of research. My funny bone could take no more than that.

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From: leviatam Age: 16 Homepage: http://www.geocities.com/tokyo/shrine/3752 17-Sep-99 08:09 PM

seanbaby, you are the funniest guy i have ever seen. kick some fucking ass dude. i remember finding the congratulations award so long ago and laughing my ass off. river city ransom kicks ass! and lis is pretty hot too... New inspiration makes it impossible for me to be rude ever again in the guestbook.

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From: Christopher Age: 17 Homepage: http://members.tripod.com/Mariachi7/index.html 24-Sep-99 06:54 PM

I swear to god, every single time I come to this page, i laugh more and more. I have been a Seanbabyaholic for, i'd guess, about a year and I love every single second of it. Thank you for making my otherwise dull and rather shitty life somewhat tolerable. FTW. I've found you an even better online affirmation. This girl's page is about how clichι all the Hanson fanfiction is becoming. I mean, in every story, our boys are ALWAYS GETTING GIRLFRIENDS! God! Why can't there be more stories about them retrieving priceless artifacts from ancient booby-trapped tombs? I mean, why can't there be stories about them solving science's greatest mysteries like Eskimos or menstruation? This page won't just make you laugh though, Chris. Remember this: no matter how dull your life becomes, it's a fucking intergalactic roller coaster compared to this chick's.

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From: Superberg Age: 19 Homepage: http://superberg.8m.com 24-Sep-99 10:59 AM

Sean: I was listening to the 80's station here in Chicagoland (103.1 FM) when I heard one of the fucking greatest songs of all time: "Tarzan Boy," by Baltimora. I used to love that damn song. As soon as I heard it, I realized I haven't been to this webpage is a few weeks, and that I haven't left a pointless message in your guestbook. Now I have done both. That's a cool song, but I always associated my page with T'Pau's song, Heart and Soul. Also, I think the message behind the New Kid's handwaving classic, Hangin' Tough, describes Seanbaby.com perfectly. I'm rough. Rough. Tough.

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From: Herk Age: 19 24-Sep-99 08:35 AM

I think there is a big thing being overlooked by many who decide to sign this guestbook. And that is that this guy named Sean with the funny hair, well, is actually funny. Just about everything he writes is actually thought out, plenty vulgar, and makes you laugh when you read it. But I suppose there really isn't a point in complaining about the guestbook. It is the ONLY one I've ever read based on humor factor alone. It's all typed in by idiots trying to be funny (hey I'm one of 'em now), and somehow, it managed to be just that. Funny. Plus, this web page contains many examples of why it should win an award for best use of the word "fuck" and all it's different tenses and uses. What's with the lucidity? I miss the days when I was a misunderstood drunk writing disjointed unread shrines to movies and video games I liked. Now people are starting to figure out that I'm trying to be funny. Pretty soon they're going to realize I only made this page to get some ass.

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From: El Desperachi Age: 20 24-Sep-99 06:57 PM

Thank god, finally, someone out there has given Robert Rodriguez's two movies the web space that they so truly deserve. El Mariachi and Desperado should be shown in high schools and colleges throughout the world and Seanbaby's Desperado page should be the handout for each student to evaluate. That might make school slightly better than i remember it being. That's like my lamest page, but thanks. I hope they don't show them in school - they're too violent. Kids should only learn about violence if it's in the Bible or if it's about white people killing indians.

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From: constipated fan Homepage: http://www.west.net/~ferguson/rohq 03-Oct-99 11:00 PM

aaaAAARRRRHHHHGGGGUUHHHARR AAAAAAaarrRRRRRGgGHHHH pooping man I wonder how many times we as humans have to go to the bathroom before people stop thinking it's funny? I know it's kind of silly that our bodies produce waste instead of completely absorbing all intake like the Canadians; and I admit to laughing when someone puts the waste in a cone shaped hat and tricks a fat chick into putting on her head, but poo still doesn't seem like the same comedic gold mine as autism. Is it the televangelist's head pasted on the pooping man's body that inspired putting this here? It might be, because would a man of God, knowing his lord is an all seeing, all smelling, vengeful being, really dare to take a shit? That's like crapping in the Easter Bunny's basket while it's in the same room.

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From: hdj jewboy Age: 19 Homepage: http://www.geocities.com/SunsetStrip/Mezzanine/3377/main.html 19-Oct-99 04:12 AM

anagrams are fun! Seanbaby Reiley = Yay! Lesbian Beer! Parade Kid = I Rape Dad, k? i was bored, but you do think this has some deeper meaning? love, hdj jewboy Everything has inner meaning if you smash the letters around enough. In fact, one person has made a living out of listening to hours and hours of people talking backwards in order to find any gibberish that sounds roughly like normal forwards English. And then he takes that nonsense and adds meaning to that. By the time he's done, he can prove that armpit sounds hold the key to your inner most desires, not to mention the secrets of the universe. Reverse Speech - The Voice of Truth Exists.

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From: leckie1uk Age: 27 and a few months :o) Homepage: http://www.maceachern.co.uk 16-Oct-99 12:45 AM

Thanks to your site, I'm late leaving for work. I'm working in Saudi at the moment and I'm going to have some big nosed Arab, who's just learned to wear shoes and eat using a fork, telling me that being late "is very,very bad, etc, etc...."......but it's worth it just to see if I can pop that vein on his forehead :o) My favorite thing about Saudi Arabia and most middle east countries is "prayer time." Six times a day, everyone stops what they're doing and prays. But ammendments to the religion say that it's okay to not pray if you're driving. That means that every prayer time, the entire population tries to trick their god by getting in their cars and nervously thinking of something to drive to. And as soon as the lord checks the incoming prayer numbers with the traffic reports, there is going to be some serious fucking trouble.

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