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I was really hoping for a terrible wrestling game starring stupid pink toys, and finally my dreams were answered. In this hybrid of electronics and shit, you got to choose between several mutated things, but it didn't matter who you picked since they all had the same moves and the graphics were so bad you couldn't tell what they were supposed to be anyway.
The little monster things had names like Geronimo, Robin Mask, and Wars Man and could punch or attempt to fly through the air and hit their opponent with their little pink asses. If your opponent was stupid enough to let you get behind them, you could unleash a devastating suplex move that seemed to do about the same amount of damage as a punch, it
was just harder to execute.
M.U.S.C.L.E. sort pretended to be a video game, but I think it was released by sociologists studying the effects of shitty software on impressionable children. Their findings were insubstantial due to the fact that only 3 people bought a copy of M.U.S.C.L.E.
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It looks like a knight and a ninja, but it could just be a retarded
kid with a teapot on his head fighting a girl wearing pajamas and a
paper plate on her face. You can't really tell in this game.
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Graphics: 0 |
You can't seriously expect me to try to articulate how bad those graphics
are.
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Fun: 1 |
You can get all the excitement of this game without even inserting the
cartridge. Listen: Every now and then, a magic ball will fly out of the crowd and into the
ring. If you grab it, your little guy starts to flash different colors. Then the M.U.S.C.L.E.
sound engineers show off what they learned in college by simulating a crowd noise with nasty static.
However, sticking your face next to a strobe light and switching your TV to a channel you
don't get can recreate this fabulous M.U.S.C.L.E. experience without having
to play the game.
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Embarrasment: 8 |
After the programmers of M.U.S.C.L.E. were kicked out of their parents' basement,
they were ridiculed on the street by groups of disgruntled NES players. That was
years ago and they've moved on to prosperous careers in the video rental business, but that
embarrasing game still gets brought up in the VideoLand break room. The programmers
usually respond by crying, "Just cut it out, you guys!" Then they call their therapist who tells
them that they really are special.
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