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Part 6 - Operation: Rescue E3 Takes a Break from Rescuing to Reflect on its Own Bravery
POW's in 'Nam:
"Communications were the lifelines of our covert camp organization. It was essential for everyone to know what was happening in camp, whether the news was about a new torture or just a friendly word of encouragement to a disheartened fellow POW.
The primary means of communication was by use of the "tap" code. The code was a simple arrangement of the alphabet into a 5 x 5 block. It was derived through one man's code knowledge gained from Air Force survival school." |
Erik in E3:
In the unlikely event that we were separated or in the much more likely event that we needed to communicate covertly, Sean and I brought walkie-talkies shaped like Gameboys. The box they came in says they have an effective range of 1.5 kilometers. If you ever decide to create a chart to convert between metric and walkie talkie, it should look like this: 1 kilometer = 1 foot. Another big problem that we uncovered about them is that they're not especially suited to covert communication, since all the secret stuff you say gets broadcast over a loudspeaker. So if you're a famous sports celebrity and you want to confidentially inform a teammate across the locker room that you're gay, walkie talkie is not the way to go. Still, as long as we were within 1.5 walkie-talkie kilometers of each other and didn't mind if everyone heard what we were saying, they were pretty useful.
The thing you have to keep in mind about E3 is that every game there is the result of a conscious decision to make the product you're looking at instead of a game based on the Warriors. So no matter how impressively därk a developer's edgy take on Star Wars is or how scary their elves are, what they're doing is still a slap in the face to you personally. Along these same lines, E3 is filled with sweaty people from foreign lands - famous home of the Ebola virus. Since everyone at the show has touched the joystick you're using at least twice, every game - regardless of its "virtua" theme - is actually an all too realistic simulation of using your tongue to retrieve a test tube of Cholera from everyone at E3's asshole. If you ever see a picture of someone at E3 with one of their fingers in their mouth, that person is now dead.
If you're still not convinced of how disgusting E3 was, take a look at this picture that our close, personal friend Miguel somehow acquired:
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