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You should know that some pussies have been known to find sarcasm and bad words confusing and offensive. If so, I, your sexual fantasy from the future, advise you to find a new source of free comedy, caveman. For those who stayed at the risk of face rockage, you should know that soon, like all Earth entertainment, this site will be replaced by Doctor Excitement's Fun Blaster, a peace-bringing combination midget generator and launcher. Until then, examine this guide to the different sections of filth:
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FUCKING DELIGHTFUL PHOTO ALBUM
Some people hate to read, but still want to gain information about the designer of popular websites. Very well, fools. I have assembled 2D images of Seanbaby. Look to this enormous pile of unedited photos for the most recent documentation of his foolish cavemaning. Inexplicably, he prefers this clumsy, sprawling page to putting them on some type of social networking website such as Friendface or Photofuck.
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KICK TO THE GROIN COMICS...
Imagine a martial arts manuever that combines the decisive stroke of a kick with the gentle pleasure of a groin. Now imagine what man could accomplish with that power if he could harness it for comedy. I've led you through this two step process of imagination to prepare you for this descriptive preparation: In this section, Seanbaby has dangerously modified 20th Century karate safety documents to create tales of betrayal, romance, and intrigue.
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ABSOLUDICROUS VIDEO...
To a being such as me, traveller of time and stars, your VHS recordings are like 8-track AM tapes. I look at it, and I have to future laugh. I'm like, what am I, a swamp Tarno? I can't play this on my DVagD! Forgive me, a DVagD is a Digi-Disc player genetically grafted to a llama vagina. Needless to say, to get one to be compatible with your VHS tapes would take far more lubricant than its bilge pumps could handle. This section is based on insane VHS, represented by one day Solar President Jean-Claude Van Damme.
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THE NES / EGM PAGE...
In the year 1999, the Galactic Council of Earth will vote to legalize ninjitsu, dodge ball, and murder. This will turn video games into useless relics. This section of Seanbaby.com is devoted to the NES, a gaming system superior even to The Microsoft Blowjob. In a savage crime against categorization, Seanbaby's works from the magazine Electronic Gaming Monthly are also featured here.
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COMIC BOOK ADS...
Our documents show that in this timeline, candy masters tantalized you with tales of lunacy. Your very own books of comic betrayed you with lies of x-ray vision, easy-to-assemble submarines, and martial art deathblows! Steel yourself, Earth human: one day these fantastic dreams will all come true, but not for your side.
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CLASSIC...
Much like the cries for help coming from the caverns your future people, some sections of this site have become rather pointless. There is only one solution for both problems: destruction. In the future, before a person is disposed of, their laughter is placed in a jar and bartered for by ancient Gods. Like a jar of laughter, stolen from the innocent dead, the Seanbaby.com Classic page provides a home for hilarity that would otherwise be lost.
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THE SUPER FRIENDS PAGE...
Unlike video games and women, cartoons never actually become obselete. You'll understand why thanks to this detailed analysis of the Super Friends, why they were idiots, and how they were probably and certainly gay. Apologies: if you are reading this from the future, "gay" is where one man had sex with another man's butthole while he was dressed like a rainbow. I know, it's crazy.
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THE HOSTESS PAGE...
The Hostess Page examines the phenomenon of heroes fighting crime with snacks, a cosmic impossibility localized to your dimension and no others. Even the 2,892,127 dimensions where dinosaurs win World War II.
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Seanbaby.com is the work of one ridiculous man. The following personal information on him cost several hundred kittens their lives, although their slaughter was an unrelated horror of our future people:
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Name: Seanbaby
Occupation: Timecop
Email: seanbaby@seanbaby.com
Birthday: June 15th, 1976
Education: Art degree, Gradius, mean streets.
Corporate Headquarters: Head-shaped volcano base, Mission, San Francisco
Likes: Crappy superhero cartoons, Fighting, Volleyball, Drinking
Dislikes: Changing a stranger's diaper, Arguments without punches
Pictures of Female Readers Dressed as Wonder Woman: Yes.
Double Dragon or Final Fight?: Yes.
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SYSTEM DATA RETRIEVAL FOR DISCONTINUED SECTIONS ENGAGE:
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READER MAIL...
Before Seanbaby.com was declared obscene by WHAFE (Wally Hendersen Against Fucking Everything), it was popular with lazy office workers, sign-language gorillas, and Hollywood's most exciting stars. Go here for primitive e-answers to reader e-letters, reader comics, or anything else that involved the work of devoted readers, all of whom are one day snacks of Klarg. Since the fax pony made e-talking obselete, this section has been mummified in the Classic humor depository.
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THE STUPID PAGE...
During the pathetic apetime of the 2000's, a low-level hypnotic signal was being broadcast to keep your monkey minds subdued. This section of the site will interfere with that signal by punching your brain in the groin with articles on human stupidity. Oh, and if you're reading this from the future, a "groin" is the area where your Solar-Powered Fish Dispenser is now located. Chrono-events, such as snakes, have ravaged this site. Its contents, such as Absoludicrous Video and comics about dick kicks have been scattered throughout the site.
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THE SEANBABY PROBE...
Before genetic brain enhancement became mandatory, your savage time period was notorious for its ridiculous laws and subnormal video entertainment, not to mention your near death-wish in the careless development of sociopath kill toilets. The Probe covers stories such as these, and is represented by an image of your century's top headline: "Mr. T Combats Robot, Victor to be Declared Mayor." A meteor strike sent by a God angered by your own gay babies has destroyed this section. Remnants of it remain in Classic Seanbaby.com.
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WHAT'S NEW?...
This section chronicles the most recent additions to the site, with a Western flair. It's represented by a picture of Buck Rogers and pals, because they are so new they're from the future. A cute fictional future where every third citizen isn't dropped into the Endless Pain Pit of Tor for the entertainment of the Asteroid Lords. This section will be rendered obselete several weeks before you, ape from the past, finish reading this. All new articles will be linked to from the front page of the site.
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TINY CREDITS:
Either Seanbaby.com the site or Seanbaby the me have been featured on MTV, MTV2, Attack of the Show, G4's Video Game Vixens, G-Force Magazine, G4TV.com, American Splendor: Our Movie Year, CNBC, G4 commercials, Game Daily Biz, The Wall Street Journal, Cracked Magazine, Yahoo Picks, The Weekender, 1up.com, Mexican TV, Irish radio, Comics International, the Raw 2 and Wrestlemania XIX strategy guides, Global 100's top 100 Home Pages on the Internet, Cruel Site of the Day, UFC 2009, XBOX Nation, Yahoo! Internet life magazine, Suck.com, random walls in Unreal 2, Electronic Gaming Monthly, GMR, The Wave Magazine, Kinetica, Road Rash 64, Tech TV's Internet Tonight, Vice Magazine, Maxim, American Playstation magazine, PC Format Magazine, the Howard Stern Show, E! Online, KPTV news, bad erotic fan fiction, Wizard Magazine, and your dreams. The site's won over 100 miscellaneous web awards, so please click on 1998 to view them. In your face, Internet!
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As the embodiment of your sexual desires, it is my duty to... mmm that feels nice... thank you for imagining an indian rubbing me.
Back to what I was saying:
Other Works:
He expresses humor jokes at Cracked.com every Thursday morning.
He screams at failure inside EGM every month.
Before Seanbaby.com learned what it was and knew only rage, it was your greatest Internet web e-page. However, during its lifespan, the Internet broke several times. During these times, the site's author and one day melt-victim wrote humor jokes for magazines including these:
  
  
  
Shortly after your puny 3-dimensional eyeballs read this, handsomeness will be outlawed by our powerful but insecure future people. Until then, Seanbaby sometimes appeared on your Earth televisions. He co-hosted G4's Attack of the Show, mocked drunkenly on Broken Pixels, and appeared on miscellaneous programs for G4, MTV and MTV2, VH1, and once on MSNBC.
Seanbaby was a staff writer on MTV's Chico and Guapo. Television producers also often contract our hero to take their comedy scripts and punch them. "Punching" in comedy script context means to "force to behave more according to function." My people use punching on all things.
One reason Seanbaby survived so many minutes into the bloody conflict of Rock n' Ragnarok Brought to you By Steven Cyber-Seagal is because his heart pumps only combat and his feet speak only in hand grenade. He has performed the duties of entertainment wrestler and stuntman in a professional capacity and writes the UFC Undisputed computer entertainment casette tapes. In your near future, when droids are upon you, you may notice their AI perfectly describing the way in which they are tearing you apart. That is due in many ways to Seanbaby's work on these video games.
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