CAPTAIN TOOTSIE The face of a baby with the body of a nazi & bear killing supermachine-- his only weakness is that he needs Tootsie Rolls to accomplish any single thing he does. Captain Tootsie rules! THE RUNAWAY HORSE THE RADAR RESCUE THE MYSTERIOUS PLAN CAPTAIN TOOTSIE TRAPS KILLER BEAR WITH INVISIBLE LIGHT THE GIANT CANNON CAPTAIN TOOTSIE BREAKS UP SPY RING CAPTAIN TOOTSIE TO THE RESCUE CAPTAIN TOOTSIE CHEERS ORPHANS EMERGENCY LANDING THE LOG JAM RESCUE CAPTAIN TOOTSIE AT THE SNOW CARNIVAL CAPTAIN TOOTSIE'S COUNTER-SPOOK THE SECRET WEAPON! VOLTO FROM MARS When he says, "Volto!" his LEFT arm REPELS! And when he says, "Volto!" his RIGHT arm ATTRACTS! Grape Nuts recharge his fantastic magnetic powers through unknown but almost certainly retarded means. "WHAT A WAY TO RUN A ROLLER COASTER!" "LOOK! THERE ARE WHITE PEOPLE IN THAT BOAT!" "HEY! I SMELL SMOKE!" "A SHARK! HEY! LOOK OUT!" "LOOK! THE MATADOR IS HURT!" "WHY DID YOU LET THEM TIE US UP, VOLTO?" "SWELL SHOT.. YOU'VE HIT THE BEAR!" "HEY! LOOK- A BIG METEOR!" ADVENTURES OF "R.C." AND QUICKIE Two adventurers with the ability to force a discussion of RC cola into even the most dire of situations. THE CAVE'S SECRET THE MAD BULL RIVER RESCUE FOUR AGAINST THE SEA DRAMA ON THE HIGHWAY! FLAMING RESCUE! FLAMING FLICKERS THOM MCAN Thom McAn shoes: water proof, comfortable, and when outfitted with optional bazooka attachments, can conquer the easily conquered! HOW THOM MCAN CAUGHT THE ESCAPED CONVICTS! FAMOUS SPORTS FLOPS - THE TOO EAGER "BEAVER" HOW THOM MCAN BLITZED THE "BULLET PROOF MEN!" HOW THOM MCAN RESCUED THE DOOMED LINER

ORDINARY PRODUCTS ADVERTISED IN INSANE WAYS JUDY AND JIM DEFY SAVAGE GORILLA! REMOVE UGLY BLACKHEADS OR NO COST I JUST LOVE MY NEW DOLL FROM KENNER... BABY ALIVE COLGATE JUNIOR AND CAPTAIN AMERICA - COUNT PLAQUE BLITZED BY LIGHTNING JU-JITSU! THE DINGO KIDS MEET O.J. SIMPSON OLD NICK IN THE NICK OF TIME AT THE MIDGET AUTO RACES HE-MAN AND THE WONDERS OF BIG BABOL SUBSCRIBE TO PANIC LIFE SIZE INFLATABLE DOLL JOWETT "STRONG-MAN" EXERCISES POPSICLE PETE IN HOLLYWOOD MEET A BIT-O-HONEY - SHE MAKES A HONEY OF A RESCUE! DAYDREAM MIKE AND HIS WONDERFUL BIKE! HI KIDS! GET IN MY DAVY CROCKETT PLAYHOUSE TENT! THE SECRET OF TREASURE CAVE JIM DRISCOLL IN "DANGER ON THE FIELD" "U.S." ROYAL WITH HIS JET-PROPELLED BIKE No force on Earth can stand up to "U.S." and his ability to quickly ride his bicycle somewhere else to get help! FOCUSING ON THE FIREBUG RUINING THE RANSOM PLAN RACING TO THE RESCUE "SAVING THE SECRET SUPERSONIC PLANE" "SABOTAGING THE SABOTEURS" TRAPPING THE HIJACKERS AFTER THE ATOM SPIES TRAPPING A BANDIT BEATING THE BEACH BARRAGE SAM SPADE A crime fighter with hair so perfectly creamed and oiled with WildRoot hair products, it's impossible not to bring it up. All the time. DEATH ON THE SPEEDWAY MURDER ON THE MOVIE SET SAM TAKES HIMSELF FOR A RIDE THE CASE OF THE TELL-TALE COMB BAZOOKA THE ATOM BUBBLE BOY You'd be surprised how many problems can only be solved by a little boy who floats on a bubble gum bubble. MOUNTAIN RESCUE PAINTER IN PERIL! DARING RESCUE AT SEA!

RACISM & HELPING YOUR FELLOW MAN, EVEN WHEN THEY'RE A RACE TOM MIX FOR INSTANT RALSTON WHAT'S YOUR B.Q.? FREE! WHILE THEY LAST! 10 "HITLER HEADS" BUZZY SCORES ONE FOR THE HANDICAPPED! ENJOY HILARIOUS "MONKEY SHINES" AT YOUR NEXT MASQUERADE PARTY WHEATIES - JAP BOOBY TRAP GIFTS FROM YOUR ELDERS! WHEATIES - JAP LINGO BATMAN AND ROBIN STAND UP FOR SPORTSMANSHIP! MEATLOAF IN "HEROES HELPING HEROES" INSANE PRODUCTS ADVERTISED APPROPRIATELY BICYCLE WINDSHIELD - ONLY $1.00 THE BIONIC WOMAN... AND HER BIONIC BEAUTY SALON RUB THE BUDDHA FOR MONEY! FREE! 200 OFFICIAL ALAN LADD WALLETS! WEAR AMAZING *SHOCKER* AND HAVE DEADLY SELF DEFENSE POWER IN YOUR HAND ORAL ROBERTS LIFE STORY AS TOLD BY HIMSELF CADET HEALTH SUPPORTER BELT CHARLES ATLAS The most famous stupid comic ad of all time from "The World's Most Perfectly Developed Man," a title he almost certainly didn't just make up himself. THE INSULT THAT MADE A MAN OUT OF "MAC" THE INSULT THAT TURNED A "CHUMP" INTO A *CHAMP* Hey, kids! Ads with colored links means I've written jokes about them! ARTICLES FROM MY OLD STUPID COMICS PAGE RAZORBACK TURNER D. CENTURY BIG WHEEL CLOCK KING 10-EYED-MAN RAINBOW RAIDER MR. T & THE T-FORCE WORDS & DESIGN BY SEANBABY For many years, I've devoted my life to collecting stupid shit, but I'm only one man. If you have an ad that deserves to be here, let me know.

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